Monday, January 9, 2012
So it was a disappointing weekend. As a Steelers fan, I am thoroughly disgusted with their display yesterday. It would have been nice if the #1 ranked defense would have at least looked like a top 10 defense. Embarrassing is about all they can say about how they played. In other news, I start back to school for the Spring Semester next Monday so I'm trying to get the house deep cleaned and things organized before it gets crazy again and I have no time. I am trying a few new recipes because I need something new to do with hamburger. Loose meats, chili and tacos get old if that's all your eating. My sister borrowed me her cookbook with a bunch of recipes so its hopeful that i wont turn into a taco!! LOL. My boyfriend has laid off the alcohol this week, though I'm doubtful it will last. Pretty sure the only reason he has not drank in last 2 days is his lack of money to buy alcohol. I'll take it for now but will probably be singing a different tune when he gets paid and comes home plastered. Well I need to get some sleep so its going to be a short post tonight.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Well, things have not changed much. I still need to make some tough decisions. I at least need a talk with my boyfriend, give him a chance to fix this. Unfortunately we have danced this dance before and things only look up or get better for a little while and then we slip back into this mess of a relationship and his drinking. I wonder what is best for the children. Is living in a strained home better than living between separated parents? I know I would never put my children in the middle or use them as pawn to get back at their dad, but I wonder if he could or would be civil. It scares me, the unknown. I would have to make a lot of changes to take the steps to leave. I am currently attending school but if I left, I would need to get a job again and forgo my dream of finishing college in order to support my family. I don't have the answers and I don't pretend to have them either. Every option I pick has consequences, It's just a matter of what are the better ones. Its gonna be a short blog tonight and I missed last night but will make it up at some point. I hope to be able to clear my head by putting my thoughts and options down where I can try to make sense of them. I may never make sense but hope to at least make some progress on straightening out my and my childrens lives and making sure they are first and for most safe and happy.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
So I sit here after a full day. Volunteering at my daughters preschool, taking care of some stuff for the spring semester of school, helping out a friend with a ride and taking my oldest daughter to dance class. I then come home to babysit my boyfriends sisters kids. My boyfriend, my kids dad, is here but really not much help. I'm coming to some realizations as I contemplate the new year. One of them being if I need to make some changes in my relationship with my boyfriend. I figure when someone asks me what I would say if my boyfriend ever asked me to marry him would I say yes and I cant answer it there may be a reason. I feel like a single parent already so really the only change with leaving him would be paying all the bills by myself. The fact that I can say that and not feel guilty, just resigned is a sign. There are many changes I need to make in this new year for me and my children. I think this may be one of them. We have been together over 10 yrs and things have been on a rollercoaster practically that entire time. There are times when everything seems perfect but there are more times when I realize we are not the same. We may never have been. Now having two kids really complicates things but I wouldn't trade my children for anything. Whatever problems and differences my and their dad have, I will always put them and what is best for them first. I just have to hope whatever choices I make, really are what's best for everyone.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
I am a mother of 2 girls ages 4 and 1. I live with their dad but we are not married. Some people may frown on this but its an arrangement that works for us right now. We have had our ups and downs as a couple. Sometimes it feels like more downs than ups and maybe that may be one of the reasons we haven't plunged into matrimony. I had the opportunity recently to leave my job and go back to school. Its hard to balance school and home responsibilities but I'm doing it so far. I keep thinking that the pros outweigh the cons and everything will work out. I'm hoping I'm right. I'm starting this blog for a couple reasons. I don't expect to get a huge following, salivating for my every word. I am doing it as a sort of catharsis and as a means for me to stay accountable for my goal to lose weight. If I have to blog about it, maybe it will help me keep on track. I'm hoping to post at least daily if not a few times a day. Its my first blog so I'll feel it out as I go. Who knows maybe I'll be good at it.